I am not a huge proponent of people wearing bikinis (due, in large part, to my upbringing), but I accept that everyone has agency to do whatsoever he or she chooses. However, I also feel that people should be considerate of others when exercising that agency. After living in Hawaii for a couple years I have developed what I refer to as the Bikini Rules. Here they are:
You may not wear a bikini if. . .
- you THINK you are fat - which means that if you regularly starve or binge and purge you also should abstain from wearing one.
- when you sit down, you have enough of a fat/skin roll across your middle to hide a pencil - and I'm not talking about the length of the pencil; I'm talking about its width, its circumference.
- you have a fat/skin roll. . . rule #2 was a lie.
- you wear underwear that covers more of your body than your bikini would/does.
- you would be uncomfortable having someone see you walking around your house in your underwear.
- you have stretch marks that would be visible as a result of wearing one.
- you are pregnant, especially to the point that your belly button has popped out like a turkey timer.
- if AARP sends you things in the mail or you can get a senior discount at most major restaurant chains if you show up for dinner at 4 p.m.
- you get/are going to get offended by the way guys treat you when you wear one
- you find yourself saying, "I'm on vacation, no one here will ever see me again."
Bonus: Here, for men, are the Speedo rules:
- NEVER wear a Speedo. EVER. Even if you are European.
