I am not a huge proponent of people wearing bikinis (due, in large part, to my upbringing), but I accept that everyone has agency to do whatsoever he or she chooses. However, I also feel that people should be considerate of others when exercising that agency. After living in Hawaii for a couple years I have developed what I refer to as the Bikini Rules. Here they are:
You may not wear a bikini if. . .
- you THINK you are fat - which means that if you regularly starve or binge and purge you also should abstain from wearing one.
- when you sit down, you have enough of a fat/skin roll across your middle to hide a pencil - and I'm not talking about the length of the pencil; I'm talking about its width, its circumference.
- you have a fat/skin roll. . . rule #2 was a lie.
- you wear underwear that covers more of your body than your bikini would/does.
- you would be uncomfortable having someone see you walking around your house in your underwear.
- you have stretch marks that would be visible as a result of wearing one.
- you are pregnant, especially to the point that your belly button has popped out like a turkey timer.
- if AARP sends you things in the mail or you can get a senior discount at most major restaurant chains if you show up for dinner at 4 p.m.
- you get/are going to get offended by the way guys treat you when you wear one
- you find yourself saying, "I'm on vacation, no one here will ever see me again."
Bonus: Here, for men, are the Speedo rules:
- NEVER wear a Speedo. EVER. Even if you are European.
2 comments:
I remember in Utah a few years ago, Megan and I were developing similar rules for when it was o.k. for men to not wear their shirts. This was due in large part to the many men on the street that were not wearing their shirts and should have been.
I had a South African friend who said in reference to speedos, and I quote, "If you've got it flaunt it."
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